Why I don’t Homeschool

Last week I posted a video on Facebook, jokingly, about how homeschooling is done in our household.  It consisted of a Big Foot (monster truck) documentary playing in the background while the boys jumped off the chair into a sea of blankets and pillows.  I said we were working on counting skills and studying gravity.  The boys were having a great time- Eli was actually dripping with sweat!  They were counting.  We did discuss gravity.  Really though, they were just playing.

That was followed by lunchroom lessons studying volume… as in how many hotdogs can you fit into your mouth at once.  Eli.  Yeah.  There was a brief lesson on density as well, when Henry started dropping pieces of hotdogs into his milk.  Praise God there is a nap time in our little home school.

So fast forward to the next morning.  Eli had preschool.  He and I have some rather interesting conversations on that drive.  I remember having some great little talks with Isabelle too, but Eli just takes things to this whole other level.  I regularly tell my kids that it is good to be a little weird, but he seems to be taking it to an extreme.

So, we are driving.  It is a gorgeous drive, as the trees are all changing to glorious shades of bright yellow, rusty orange and deep reds.  We see the leaves falling off of the trees and swirling to the ground and Eli informs me that the leaves falling is why it is fall and not summer anymore.  Then we talk for a minute about gravity pulling the leaves to the ground when they fall off the trees, because without gravity they would just float around forever.

We then come upon our special morning prayer spot.  This started with Isabelle.  At a particular point in our drive, we say our good morning prayers.  They always start the same, “GOOD MORNING GOD!  Thank you for this beautiful day!”  From there we go into what we are thankful for, then praying for the kids (and Aunt Lala, cousins and neighbors) to have a great day at school and Mommy and Daddy (and a laundry list of other friends and family) to have a great day at work.  Isabelle would typically include things like “please keep Buddy and Horns (cows) warm today” or help so and so feel better, etc.  Eli has to include every day- and insists that I repeat because he “don’t know the right words”- the yellow monster truck and Nascar funny cars and that he gets to see them again some day (I have no idea what a Nascar funny car is, so don’t bother asking).  Hey, God wants it all, big and small right?

This particular day, he threw in something about a super hero.  I don’t recall which one at this point.  Anyway, we finished up our prayers and I asked him if he knew who the best superhero EVER was.  He replied, “HULK!”  When I said no he started in on the laundry list- HeMan, Voltron, Batman, that blue and red transformer (really there are far too many for me to keep straight.  My head is filled with far more important things, like 90s song lyrics).  Exasperated, he gave up and asked who I was talking about.

When I told him Jesus, I could see those little wheels turning.

His first argument “But he died on the cross”

“And he rose from the dead.  Let’s see HeMan do that!”

“But HULK is super super strong!”

“You remember the HUGE boulder they put in front of the tomb when Jesus died?  And it was rolled away when he came out right?”

“ok.  But HeMan’s sword is MAGIC”

“Jesus performed miracles.  He made blind people see.  He brought dead back to life.  He healed the sick”

There was an unusual, albeit brief, silence.

“Whoa,” in amazement, “He IS a superhero!”

I nodded my head as I smirked to myself at what a great job I had just done.  I may have even let go of the steering wheel to pat myself on the back for my awesomeness.   While I am sure God approved of my little lesson, I guess my cockiness was not looked upon so highly.  So, the Big Man used the little man to put me in my place… like He (and he) does so often…

“So, Mom… when we die, if we have Jesus in our heart we go up to Heaven, right?”

“yup” My heart melts when he talks about having Jesus and God in his heart!  The little drawl he says it with is just about the sweetest thing ever.  It left me blind-sided for what was coming…

“Well, what about gravity?  How can we go up to Heaven and not get yanked back to the ground?”

Really kid??

“Oh look!  A tractor!”  I am not always the best at thinking on my feet, and Eli’s lack of attention span is often my only saving grace.

These kids are always one step ahead.  I bring my A game and they manhandle me like a peewee player.

That, my friends, is why I cannot homeschool.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Jean
    Oct 08, 2012 @ 12:00:50

    Seriously – teaching should be left to the pros! Hahahaha – I’m sure God was watching over you as you patted yourself on the back 😉 Don’t worry – some of what you say will stick! The one thing you know is that if you don’t talk about it, it’s never going to stick.

    Reply

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